Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Thought Question Tuesday

Get settled into my new life. By that I mean, make new friends and connections. Feel at home in a new city. Feel comfortable in the department and as a graduate student. I want as smooth as a transition to my new life as possible.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Hot Farmers

Tonight I discovered some photographs of old men who were farmers who were naked, doing farm chores. I sent these pictures to select people and it was funny. To make up for it I am now going to post some hot farmers on my blog, by some, I mean one. I could only find one picture of a hot farmer in the ten minutes I looked. I must say that all farmers are hot, even if they do not look that way in pictures. I am very much into a man that gets dirty and works to produce the food I eat. Plus I would like to live on a farm and having a relationship with a farmer would be a great way to do that.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Men I Would Like to Have Children With, But I Can't:Abe Lincoln

So I'm starting a new feature on my blog... Men I Would Like to Have Children with, But I Can't. If you have any suggestions be sure to let me know.
The first man on my list, is Abe Lincoln.
If you don't know who this man is and you are an American citizen, then you fail at life. If you are from another country, I will give you some key facts...
His full name was Abraham Lincoln and he was born February 12, 1908. He was the 16th president of the United States and the president during the Civil War, which he won. His life was ended prematurely when he was assassinated April 15, 1865. He is one of the most celebrated presidents and is featured on the penny.
Old Abe Lincoln-The Instruments Band
I am going to mention why I can't have his children first, cause it is so much shorter...he is dead.

Why I want to have children with this man:
1.His beard. I am a huge beard fan, beards are probably what keep me heterosexual. While I will admit, kissing men with beards doesn't always feel so hot, they are hot to look at. President Lincoln's is one of his trademarks and one of the reasons I want to have his children. I would not worry about being attracted to him, which makes making children more fun. More importantly, if we had children together I wouldn't have to worry about our sons having an inability to grow glorious facial hair. There is power in the beard.
More reasons after the jump...

Better Life?

I'm not a fan of living in the United States. I disagree with many of the cultural values. Where in the world could I go where I would have fewer qualms with the culture? Well I discovered, with the help of an article from fastcompany.com... this article, a really awesome tool for comparing other countries.
So let me describe it. This is the OECD Better Life Index. The OECD is the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development and is a group of 34 countries. The index covers 11 categories that are used to measure quality of life. Each country is ranked in each category, then you get to rank how important each category is to you. When you are done you get a visual of what country, based on these categories, would you be most happy living in. The website does a better job explaining it.
The most interesting thing is how they are using the users rankings. By seeing how you rank the categories, the OECD Better Life Initiative will be able to better understand what matters to people. So if most people rank income high and education low, for example, that means to make citizens happy more effort should be put into raising the income.
I really love this index. I love how fun it is for me as a user to see what countries can better provide what I look for, but even more for how it is working as a research tool. While you can only go so far to categorize happiness, I think this tool is useful to learn what really matters to citizens. What does make our life better.
For me Canada, Sweden, Australia, New Zealand, Norway and Denmark all ranked high, with Turkey failing.

Saturday, May 28, 2011


I know I said I would try to do a cheerful playlist, but not happening. We had a memorial today for Dr. Michael J. Kiskis and it made me reflect on my whole life. Not only was it about the loss of an amazing man for me, but how in a week I am losing so much of what I hold dear. My life is changing and I have so many mixed feelings about it. I am going to let the playlist speak for itself, but expect more reflections soon...

Playlist if you continue



Check out the other views too.


I had an experience today that showed me how petty people can be. How important it is to surround yourself with the right people. Even if they seem harmless now, they might not always be. I never thought I would have to deal with something so stupid as an almost college graduate...but I did. Here is a playlist about it. Sorry it is so depressing...I am going to try to do something cheerful next week, but no promises I'll probably be stressed to the point of near explosion...
Song list if you continue on

Friday, May 27, 2011

I have a new joke blog with a friend. I would recommend checking it out. It is all about how we are better than our rival.
Also enjoy this really cute picture
Also a new playlist is coming soon....once I come up with a theme and stuff.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Thought Question Thursday

I want to be done with Elmira College, done with this summer and moved into my apartment in Albany in the fall and all ready to get going for graduate school. I am done with this stress and everything.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Thought Question Tuesday

I love to feel my body against someone else, all warm and snuggly. It makes me feel safe, protected, against danger. 
I am a huge fan of sleeping. I love feeling all warm in bed. I get to drift away into another world with no stress or danger.
Frolic out in the woods
I love the smell. I love the bright and vibrant colors. I love feeling alone, but not lonely.

Monday, May 23, 2011

"Every man is born an original, but sadly, most men die copies"-Abraham Lincoln
I love this quote. I would love to talk about what Lincoln probably meant, but I'm not going to write now. I am going to write about me. I'm not 'normal'...at least that is what people tell me. I do things differently and am often criticized for it. We work so hard as a society to make everyone the same. There are only so many molds you are allowed to fit into. I find it frustrating. I don't like to be told what to do. 
What I find most frustrating/interesting is what happens to the people that judge me. For example, I get judge for my laziness. I put off my projects for the last minute, I get them done, but not always the best grade I could get. I've gotten a lot of shit for that from friends. I then look at what I am doing with my life. I got into a good graduate program with full funding. Not all of them can say the same thing. Not that graduate school is the only goal, but some people are totally lost. 
I've gotten a lot of shit for how I handle my relationships with men. I am not looking for a serious relationship and I am not going to lie about that. I am happy with what I have and I see others trying to follow the "right" pattern and they are unhappy. People who are boyfriend and girlfriend, because that is what you are suppose to do to have sexual relations with someone. Even though they are not really happy in that situation. People who judge you for being sexual and then will do the same when the chance arises. 
This might be a conspiracy theory, but I think the way we are told to live isn't about creating happiness or success. It is about keeping the common people in place. Why wouldn't the elites want the mass of citizens to be clones? Taught to not think for themselves to fall into line. The path of success that we promote in the US isn't what makes people happy, and it isn't what works. It takes stepping off the path to be happy. Be an original.

Another Post About Love

I have so much on my mind right now, much of it I want to share on here. I'm going to start with ideas of love...
So in my life right now, I'm pretty attached to a guy, who I write about quite a bit. I love him. Now the thing with love is like any emotion there is a scale. Where I am with him on the love scale is past friend, but nowhere near spouse. It can be easy to confuse love and lust, which I have an example of later. I've been in love before, I know what it feels like for me. I've had lustful feelings as well. My loving feelings I have no are not like ones I've had in the past, but I've learned that you can't compare any kind of relationship, each one is different. I'm at a point where I don't just wanna jump him, it isn't all about the sex and the kissing. I will admit, I don't think my relationship is totally healthy. Part of the reason I feel so strong is because of wanting the emotional support I get from it. I mean it in the I'm with you cause I don't wanna be alone sort of way. With that being said, I believe it is only a mild form of that. I know that I can get that kind of attention from other sources and I don't need to stay with him to get it. To summarize I have a romantic love intimacy and passion with no commitment. 

Weekend in Ithaca

I'm sorry the blog has been dead all weekend. I was off in Ithaca frolicking with my love. We went for a hike and got to play in the river. Went to the farmers market and got some yummy food. Napped. I beat him at magic. Lots of fun stuff. I thought about a lot of things to, I have been really stressed out about the future and I thought about what I really want in life. I'll probably share those thoughts later today. For now I am getting ready for lunch and wishing I was still in bed in Ithaca.

Saturday, May 21, 2011


I spent most of the day...Friday...reading The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I wish I had read the novel much slower, but I had a lot of free time and it was what I had with me to busy myself with. The novel gave me a lot to think about, but one section stood out in particular:
characters are not born like people, of women; they are born of a situation, a sentence, a metaphor containing in a nutshell a basic human possibility that the author thinks no one else has discovered or said something essential about
I feel like this idea is true not only in fiction, but in our own lives, from both the perspective of the individual and from the outsiders perception. While our bodies are born from our mothers, I do not believe that our personalities are, which is what truly makes us human. We create our own character. We create who we think we are, and how we think others see us. We also create a character for those around us. I do not think there is universal truth, in this case, I do not think there is one way to define someone. Even though we have this creation of who we are, you are probably the only person who sees yourself that way. So does that make it the true way? Or is it what the majority sees you as? 

Friday, May 20, 2011


A friend of mine, a friend I look up to, was born 23 years ago today. I think we have a weird relationships with birthdays...we say happy birthday and we want to party and celebrate, which is wonderful. I realized today that I rarely think about why we do that. Today I did. Some people make a real positive impact in your life. This friend has made me think, and not always intentionally. She has done things I wish she hadn't, but in the end, it doesn't matter. Today I realized how lucky I am to have so many wonderful people in my life. I think it is especially relevant with the recent loss of a professor. You never know what a birthday will be someone's last. This friend has taught me to take every moment and enjoy it. She has a very carefree attitude that I admire and such a positive outlook on life, even when things are looking grim. I'm very thankful to know her and I'm sure I'm not the only one.
You Were Born-Cloud Cult
An XKCD comic after the jump...we're both fans.


Here is a song I wish I included in my last playlist...
Lives by Modest Mouse
This is one of my favorite Modest Mouse songs...which says a lot cause I love Modest Mouse. I find this song kind of hopeful. For me it says we're all in the same boat, "everyone's afraid of their own life". We're all struggling with ideas of death and making sure we make the most out of the short life that we have. At the same time what the hell do we want out of life. I don't know that, I'm still figuring it out and I am sure no matter what I think is the right and perfect option, I will later find flaws in it. I really think the song speaks for itself, the lyrics are after the jump, enjoy.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Eye Color and Alcohol

So I just read a cool study on alcohol consumption and addiction and eye color.
Here is the link http://www.unt.edu/rss/class/mike/5700/eyecoloralcohol.pdf
What they did was look at light and dark eyed people and compared how much alcohol they drank. They had a sample of male prisoners and a sample of women. They found that people with lighter color eyes, drank more alcohol.
So cool!!!
The researchers had to guess as to why...
1. Past research has shown dark eyed people are more sensitive to drugs in hospitals...so they are probably more sensitive to alcohol as well....so they drink less.
2. Something about behavior and how blue eyed people tend to be more inhibited by new situations so they might drink to feel comfortable.
Either way, I think this is really cool...normally I am all about socializing and that biology doesn't determine much, but this is actually a really cool study and it shows how much our DNA is connected, and this is probably more about how hundreds of years ago that cultures with lighter colored eyes had more alcohol and while genes get mixed up, it is only so much. But I don't really study this stuff...I study society. It is still really really cool. Especially since I have blue eyes...not the more likely to abuse alcohol part, but the need more to get drunk part.

When Life Seems Overwhelming, Keep Calm and Carry On

I got an email a few days ago about registering for my graduate classes...
My life is changing faster than I would like, as excited as I am for the fall, it is pretty scary. This playlist is me working through some of those feelings. I tried my best to keep out the sad feelings of having to lose my lover, and focused more on feeling scared and unsure and looking for hope, ending with more hopeful tracks...

Working on a new playlist it should be up tomorrow or the next. Till then enjoy the thought question...

Playlist Artwork
If you have any suggestions for a playlist theme or song to include be sure to let me know either with a comment or message or whatnot :)

Thought Question Thursday

More: Motivation...and more Ben
Less:Selfishness from everyone
What do you think?

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I was stumbling like I love to do, and I came across this image. While it doesn't apply to my life right now, it is something important to remember. For me, it is not that I force myself into someone's life...in most cases...but that I question if they really want me a part of theirs. I question if I am really wanted. It is a horrible feeling, but the thing is, if someone doesn't want to be with me, why would they waste their time with me? I am really lucky right now, I have an amazing guy in my life, who obviously wants me in his. HUG

Found here www.searchquotes.com/viewimage/Quote_On_Neglect/84/

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Thought Question Tuesday

Nothing like I would have imagined it to be, it has been life changing.

I didn't see myself being single and without my ex...let alone dating lots of men, sleeping with many of them. Sexually I have become much more active and curious and willing.
I didn't see myself drinking...not that I am a drunk now, but I do drink and sometimes I do drink too much.
I work at Wal-Mart...not all the time, but I didn't see that becoming my first serious job.
My friend group completely and totally changed in the past year, I think for the better.
I thought I was prepared for the graduate school application process, but I wasn't at all...and now I am on my way to SUNY Albany next year, I hadn't even considered that school a year ago.
So much about my life has changed, I've grown a lot this past year and to be honest, while I am going to face a major change from undergrad to graduate school...from living in a dorm to living on my own. I do not see next year as much of a changing experience...

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Love is Rarely Packaged the Way You Expect it to Be

I'm in love with a boy...a boy I shouldn't be in love with. When we first started hanging out, I knew pretty early on that he wasn't the kind of guy I imagined myself being with, yet that does not seem to matter. I would say that it is just lust, we are very sexually compatible, but I don't think it is just lust. He isn't very responsible with his money...he shouts at cars when we walk down the street...he does more drugs than I am comfortable with...his room is usually a mess...he is a ridiculous human being. Yet, I keep going back to visit him. Not because I can't get anyone else...cause I can, I could get someone that fits my imagined perfect man mold much better. I don't want to find someone else...You never know who you'll fall in love with, what they will look like, their age, maybe even their gender. You never know when you are going to fall in love, it could be at the worst time, a month before college graduation, or at the best time. Love just happens and instead of questioning, just take it for what it is. Embrace it. Don't think just be...
Fraser-Love Song

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Sunrise at the North Pole

This picture invokes a lot of feelings for me. For me it represents the fact that no matter how far apart, or how different two things might appear to be...they are never really that far. That one is not always the biggest and most powerful. Both ying and yang must come together...

Friday, May 13, 2011

Life and Death

So last night I created a new playlist and I was so excited to share it...and blogger was done :( Then I had some emotional issues I really wanted to share...blogger was still down...the emotional issues are mostly gone...so I'll focus on the playlist. With the death of a professor I've been thinking a lot about life and what it means to me.  If it was last night I'm sure I would have a massive post about his playlist...but I forgot all that so here is the music...

Playlist after the jump

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Thought Question Thursday

I had to pick this question because it has a giraffe in the picture...which also happens to be my favorite animal, so honestly it was the perfect question for me. I love giraffes. They are an awesome color and their horns are like alien antennas recieving messages from outer-space...which is really awesome. 

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Thought Question Tuesday

The Prime of Miss. Jean Brodie I read it for my tutorial reading class.  I was really excited to discuss the book with the professor, but Sunday night we learned he had died earlier that day. The book is about a group of girls and their teacher/mentor. The girls get special treatment from her, even after they are no longer her students. The story is very complex and interestingly written. I really enjoyed it... I copied my paper from class below if anyone is interested in reading it, I know it isn't that great, but whatever...

Monday, May 9, 2011

Animals with Stuffed Animals

I've obviously been really down lately, but I was cheered up by a new for me cute animal site. Animals with Stuffed Animals. Cute animals are something that always cheer me up, yet make me a little sad that I can cuddle them. Here are some of my favorites...


I cried a lot last night, I don't have time to elaborate much cause I have to get ready for class, but one of the reason I cried was because I realized that someone I thought I was friends with, didn't see me that way. Now that he has a girlfriend, he has treats me much differently.  Not just because he doesn't flirt, it is more than that.  It hurts cause I am realizing I was just a girl to sleep with for him, even though he was much more than that to me. I'm really tired of feeling empty and it is something that I've been feeling often...

Sunday, May 8, 2011


While writing my last blog post, I received an email and found out that a well loved professor has passed away. I had heard earlier today that he had a heart attack, but that he was moved out of intensive care today...
The email came as a shock. While this is not a professor that I am really close to, I've had classes with him and really enjoyed him as a professor and a person.  One of my classes this term was a class with him. I was in total disbelief and am still having trouble grasping this. He was a wonderful man. You could tell he genuinely cared about his students and was so knowledgeable. I'm expected to go to class tomorrow, knowing that he is absent and will be forever. I am not sure I can handle that. What kind of institution expects students to do that? I still can't believe it.
Death is something that makes me sick to think about and am sure that will always be the case. I have so many thoughts and feelings I want to share, but I am still processing them.  EC will not be the same without him...

Love and Lust

So I've slept with a few guys, and I've grown emotionally attached to some of them. With that, I've learned how to tell pretty quickly if a guy is someone I would like to sleep with. A friend of mine, who is less experienced, had a pretty embarrassing night last night. She slept with a friend who came up to visit her and it did not go well at all. Despite his age, he didn't seem to know he needed a larger size condom and this morning she got Plan B and is now paranoid she will be pregnant. For me I can't imagine being in that situation, even though in the past I have. Love and lust are both learning experiences. I've had to learn what kinds of guys I don't want to be with, and what questions to ask. I don't sleep with someone before asking questions about their sex lives and sexuality. I didn't always do that, it is something I've learned and something I wouldn't do if I hadn't had bad/awkward experiences in the past.
The same thing happens with love. I know this from experience and I am sure others will agree, you really don't know what you want until you've been with someone. That is how you figure out what you like, and don't like. Even though I knew me and my ex were not going to be together forever, and I saw all the problems in the relationship, it was something I didn't want to end, cause it hurts to not be with someone you love, even if it isn't the best thing for you. It takes bad experiences to learn what you need and want from both sex and relationships.
Hello Saferide-The Quiz
At the same time, love and lust are hard to control...

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Why I Did Not Get Laid Last Night

This is one of those cases where I know what I wanna say...but I am not sure where to start...
I'll start with the plot...last night was Senior Soiree, it is like my college's version of prom.  So there is a guy in my class, who I would like to have sex with. This is one of those events where it is easier to go home with someone. Everyone is friendlier, dancing, and the alcohol is free flowing. I did not get laid last night.
Why didn't I get laid last night? Maybe it is better to start with all the things in my favor...
He does not have a girlfriend, nor was he dancing with a specific girl all night, he moved around a lot, in fact there were times where he looked kind of lonely...one of those times he was standing not to far from me, and looked like he was checking me out...I then proceeded to look away and dance with someone else.
I love sex, huge fan of it. I am also a fan of sleeping with new people. I think it is fun to find out what someone is like in bed and getting to experience something new. I am in the mindset that sex is fun, so not knowing someone well isn't going to hold me back from sleeping with them.
I have a place to bring him back to, both of my roommates were gone. I was having friends over for a party after, but they would have understood if I was getting laid and wanted to be alone.
To be honest, the only thing that wasn't working in my favor was me...
Jukebox the Ghost-Hold It In

Friday, May 6, 2011


A depressing playlist...sometimes I just feel really down, for a variety of reasons.  Tonight was one of those nights.

Song list after the jump...

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Thought Question Thursday

Almost exactly a year ago, when my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. He was my best friend and it was like I had no one. I did not feel comfortable talking to any of my friends about it at the time. I had let him be my go to person and when that was gone I felt so alone. What made it worse was a few weeks later when I found out he started seeing someone right after he broke up with me, even though he said he was breaking up with me because he couldn't handle the long-distance relationship after graduation. I felt like the person I trusted more than anyone else was the person I could trust the least. I've never felt more alone and more confused than after that happened. A year later I am still crying thinking about how horrible it made me feel...and now I feel really immature and naive... :(

Ingrid Michaelson-The Chain

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


My mom always told me I wasn't responsible, which I am starting to realize is kind of true.  I do not think I cannot handle responsibility at all, I think it is more that I don't have much motivation in life.  When there are tasks I care about I can be very responsible.  I forget how lazy I am and I get shit done. I think the problem comes from so few things in life truly matters...I often find myself thinking nothing matters...not in the life is pointless I wanna die sense, but in the life is going to happen so just let it happen sense.  This has given me a pretty stress free life, though it does come in bursts when I do decide to care. Sometimes I wish I was that responsible person, who had everything under control, instead of the person who just doesn't care.  Then I realize that being that person would give me a new set of problems and why change how I live if it has kept me alive for 22 years now. Even so, looking back on my college experience, I have become more responsible and I am sure living on my own next year will add to that. I'm not going to worry about it though, because life will happen either way...
Now a song from my favorite Cloud Cult album