Love Affair without a Love Song

So I already posted this mix...then some how deleted it.  I think it speaks for itself.  Right now I am feeling lots of things. Confusion, anxiety, restlessness over next year. Also, feelings of love and affection towards two different men, who I have very different relationships with.  Neither of these relationships can be what I really want them to be, for two very different reasons.  Many of these songs deal with those feelings.  Enjoy

Playlist and my favorite lyrics after the jump...

...ooops

So I let myself get behind on here...I blame finals week and break and all that jazz.  I have been working on a playlist...which should be up in the next couple days.  Otherwise I've been feeling so antsy.  I got an email about picking which faculty member I want to work with next year.  This got me all excited about graduate school again...and allowed me to get my cohort's email addresses...I then proceeded to stalk them...obviously.  I want to skip this summer and go right to graduate school. I really don't want another summer at being at home with my family...or working at Wal-Mart, but I can't afford not to.  I am BROKE right now and I need money for a deposit on an apartment.  I also need a new MacBook...this one is way too sad to last another year, I don't want to wait till it is fully dead before I get a new one.  I'm so nervous about next year, but even more excited. I wish I was there in my cheap apartment, with a cardboard box for a table. :)
A new playlist coming soon....

Thought Question Tuesday

Not wearing my glasses is what makes me feel truly naked and exposed.  I am very comfortable not wearing any clothing...I love it. Until my glasses are off I don't feel completely naked, I always wear them...expect for sleeping and in the shower of course.  So my glasses. :)

Fun, Fun, Fun

I am so excited about continuing the next part of my life. I feel like I've grown out of EC. I don't like being on campus most of the time...but today was one of those days that reminds me that I will miss somethings. My friends and I had an amazing time at the park today, climbing trains and playing with dead fish. I'll miss those things with these people.  Once again, who knows what the future will bring...

This song reminded me of today...Five Years Time by Noah and the Whale

Done

So I am officially going to SUNY Albany next year.  I told all my other offers no, and have officially accepted SUNY Albany's.  I actually don't feel any different than before I made the decision, it was just that middle part that was yucky...so I am glad I am done with that. Now it is time to just relax and go with life.  Take each day as it comes.

Here is a cover of Modest Mouse's Gravity Rides Everything done by Lenka. I really like this cover cause it gives the song a whole new meaning for me. Which I think is applicable to my life right now.

Thought Question Thursday

So this is the question I am answering for my Thought Question Thursday, but I really want to actually see what will fit in my backpack...and I don't really have time to do that, cause I should be writing a paper...so I will do it tomorrow or so, but I am thinking about it :)

The Big Day

So today is the big day...the day I finally and officially decide where I am going to graduate school.  After getting an email from UMass Amherst telling me I've be rejected, that left me with four choices.  Two of which were already out of the running.  University of Pittsburgh was my safety school...and they weren't funding me.  Brandies isn't going to either, and I would only be in the MA program.  Neither of those options were worth the money.  That leaves me with KU and SUNY Albany.  I had a wonderful time visiting KU, but the program itself wasn't the best fit.  Lets just be honest, SUNY Albany is the best option.  I will be funded $15,500 a year, I can get a MA in Women's Studies at the same time, and there are professors that my research interest fit with so much better.  For weeks now I knew I was going to go to SUNY Albany...so what is holding me back?  I think it isn't that I have doubts about Albany, it is that I have doubts about the future. I'm one of the lucky ones, got into graduate school with funding, I have a future...but I am not ready for the future.  I am not ready to make such a huge decision. As much as I want to get out of EC, I feel uneasy about it. What I hate the most about feeling this way is that I want to talk about it and make it go away...but I don't know how.  I can't put into words the things that are going through my head, cause they are wordless thoughts, they are feelings.  I know I am not the only one going through this, the excitement of moving on...having your own place, having a cat; combined with the fear of the unknown.  I know I posted this song yesterday as part of my Qualm playlist, but this newly discovered song came at just the right time and I think it describes the situation perfectly. Over thinking about the situation isn't going to do anything.  There is no wrong choice, life is going happen, no matter what choices I make.  The best thing to do is just live.

On a side note, I have my self-defense final in an hour and I am really scared. Probably more scared and nervous about this than the whole graduate school thing...

First and Last Qualm

So this is really odd because my first playlist for my blog could be my last playlist for WECW. I haven't decided if I want to do a show term 3 or not. I'm at a point where I'm avoiding any possible obligations.  Even if I do a show, term 3 radio shows are not quite the same in my opinion. It feels really weird to think about not being a DJ anymore. It has been a major part of my life for the past four years and all of the sudden it will be gone. Which is really sad to think about. My radio show has allowed me to have my own space to express myself, through both music and words. Music is insanely powerful and getting to take the songs that mean so much to me and sharing them has meant so much to me. I can't really describe it. Stepping away from WECW is just part of leaving EC, and currently the only part I can even imagine. Being a senior is super weird. So this will not be my last playlist, I will always be putting songs together to make a statement...but it kind of feels like the last time.




The Playlist after the jump

Thought Question Tuesday

So this is my first Thought Question Tuesday

To be honest a kiss on the nose would give me a huge smile. I've been very cuddly and affectionate lately. It sucks not having someone to regularly share hugs and kisses with.  I'm at a point in my life where there is so much pressure on career and my future that when I take time for love and affection, friendship, I feel like I am wasting time...which is a horrible feeling. It is a really stressful time as well, and human touch is one of the best stress relievers I have found. So I would love a kiss.

Welcome

So there were two inspirations for this blog, the first being my radio show on WECW 107.7FM called Qualm. Being a senior my time as a DJ is coming to an end, and I can't imagine what it will be like to not make a weekly playlist...so I still will. I will upload my playlists onto 8tracks.com and then post the link here and talk about it. Until the end of the year I will post the playlist the day that I do my radio show. After that I will pick a wonderful day of the week :)

The other inspiration is the website thoughtquestions.com. Which is a site full of thought provoking questions. I wanted a place to answer some of these questions as a way to better understand myself and what I want from life. I will do...as of now...Thought Question Tuesdays and Thursdays.

In between those two things I am sure I will write about issues and such I see going on, or whatever inspires me.  The purpose of the blog is for me to explore myself, and you are free to join. :)